The Gang at Hogwarts
by NarglesAreBehindIt
Summary: This is a fic about my mates and me at Hogwarts but feel free to read anyway. The story starts at the beginning of their third year with Fred and George Weasley in the year above and the golden trio in the year below. The golden trio are NOT FAMOUS! Enjoy :D Rated T for minor swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

As the Hogwarts Express pulled away from the platform 9 3/4, Phoebe slid the compartment door closed, turned around, and was confronted with the usual chaos that came with the train journey.

Laura had craftily shot a jelly-legs jinx at Michael, who had unluckily fallen on Max's great ginger cat, Terrance. The hairy beast had leapt, hissing and squealing, upon Blossom, who was now wrestling it away from her face. As if this wasn't enough, Chambers and Norman (who were actually called Jack and Chris, but no-one really referred to them as that) had engaged in a very competitive game of exploding snap, which left Chambers dangling from the ceiling with BTB's underwear wrapped around his head.

It was now that Phoebe sighed, but thought 'It's good to be back'. With a swift flick of her wand, everyone froze. "I leave you alone for 5 minutes and chaos breaks out! Honestly, what on earth would you do without me?"

The gang exchanged knowing looks and sank to the floor. With a little giggle Phoebe sat herself between Blossom (who had managed to remove the cat) and Maddy, who was stroking the soft purple fur of her pygmy puff, Nigel.

A few hours into the journey, after the sweets trolley passed, the teenagers, weighed down with hundreds of sweets, began discussing loudly their favourite subject. Quidditch. "The cannons were on fire this summer - when Moran was banned I thought we were finished!" Announced Chambers with a look of pride on his face.

Suddenly there was a smashing of bottles, as Max sunk to the floor. He peered up from the wreckage looking glassy eyed and confused. Then he surveyed the group, and found who he was looking for... Springing to his feet, he clambered across to where Maddy sat, and began bowing at her feet, kissing her hands. "I LOVE YOU!" He screamed.

It was too late. The gang had collapsed in fits of laughter, despite, and no doubt encouraged by the utterly horrified look on Maddy's face. "Classic!" BTB spluttered through the tears streaming down her cheeks. "One of my best yet" stated Laura smugly, with a satisfied grin. "You!" Maddy sprang across the compartment (quickly followed by Max who was now singing a love song to her) and began screaming and hitting Laura, who had just melted in a pool of laughter.

Phoebe, tears cascading down her face, trying not to choke through her laughter, stumbled to her feet and walked over to help her partner in crime. "Nice one, Pain" she choked, after restraining an hysteric Madeleine using a full body bind jinx, and pulling Laura to her feet. "But, you know, there's a slight problem with your pairing..." She winked. "Dammit!" replied her twin, with a grin "we need to rectify that, Panic..." Everyone else looked on bemused at the display of a 'twin moment' - they didn't even bother trying to comprehend them anymore, as there was just no point.

Blossom chose that moment to let out an ear-piercing shriek, and began talking incredibly fast about her favourite (muggle) obsession. Anime. Apart from Max, the only one capable of understanding her, everyone ignored her, until it got to the point of her voice being so shrill that they just couldn't handle it - Michael lazily flicked a silencing charm at her, and they all breathed a sigh of relief. She, of course, was furious, but contented herself with shooting him a burning glare, as any physical assault she attempted, due to her size, would cause her more harm than him. Max, who had been distracted by Blossom's rant, went back to grovelling at the frozen Maddy's feet.

Sighing, Jacob got up and strolled over to Maddy, whilst shooting a counter curse at Max (said person immediately went red but laughed with the rest of them good naturedly), then turned to her. "Now, if I unbind you, please think _rationally _about attacking Laura, because her 'twin' happens to be Phoebe, a remarkably bright witch who happens to know _a lot _of spells, and I don't think she'd appreciate that. Am I right?" Phoebe smirked, saying "Glad you've all learnt that by now." Jacob then continued in a stage whisper "Besides, you can get your own back at a later date..." Maddy, after being 'unfrozen', did not attack Laura, but sighed and sat down. Of course, she became her usual bouncy self, asking, "So, kids, did we all have a good summer?"

They engaged in the mundane chit chat about their summers, Michael announcing that his dad had bought him yet another dragon egg, and had set fire to the kitchen. Again.

As the sun set over the hills, casting long shadows in the golden autumn light, the gang watched bright windows of a looming castle float into view.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sitting down at Gryffindor table, the boys gazed longingly at the empty golden plates, thinking only of the magnificent feast that would soon appear. There was a small chinking of glass, and the entire hall subsided into a respectful silence, as Professor Dumbledore stepped forward. "Good evening everyone, and welcome back!" He announced with a grin. "I trust you all had a good summer and are all ready to work hard in your lessons, and fill those empty heads with useful facts." The gang exchanged raised eyebrows; looks that seemed to say 'yeah right!'

"I'm pleased to welcome Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, who has assured me he's ready for everything you throw at him"

"Sounds like a challenge" whispered Michael with a smirk. "Mr Filch has asked me to tell a certain group of young Gryffindors" here Dumbledore glanced the gang, who were trying to conceal their grins, "that if their shenanigans continue this year, they can expect to be cleaning the toilets for a month!" That was as much as they could bear - led by Blossom they collapsed into a heap of giggles, failing to be discreet and ignoring the glares from their head of house.

It was going to be a good year.

* * *

><p>Later, as they strolled up to th Gryffindor common room - the boys trudged behing, groaning and holding their stomachs. Completely unfased by this, the girls sighed, glanced at each other, and said as one, "You can't say we didn't warn you!" To which they boys scowled and huffed. "Besides," Phoebe countinued, "this is the third year in a row that you've done this - if you had any sense at all, you would have realise we were right, and listened to us." Laura looked disparingly at her. "Well that was never going to happen, was it? They only listen when copying your homework, duh." She grinned as they clambered into their common room.<p>

The fire was roaring, and thankfully none of the squashy red sofas or armchairs had been claimed, so Phoebe and Laura rushed over - Phoebe, as usual, chose the left side of the sofa directly infront of the fire, whilst Laura took the right.

"Well, well, well..." Sang a voice above their heads. "I do believe those are our seats?" At this the girls looked up at the lanky red headed boys looming over them. "Pfft, yeah right!" Scoffed Phoebe. "You snooze, you loose Weasleys!" challenged Laura, with a sly wink at her friend. "You hear that George? I think we have competition." "Quite right Fred," replied the other twin "that just won't do..."

The twins nodded and grasped the arms of the girls, lifting them from their sofa. "Much better!" Chortled George jumping into Phoebe's cosy spot. "Much!" Agreed Fred, as he slotted in next to him, claiming Laura's space. Said girls trudged defeatedly over into the dark corner where the rest of the gang had plonked themselves.

"Just give up, you've got no chance!" Giggled Chambers as Norman sent a fanged frisbee flying towards his head. "Ha ha ha... You're funny." Chambers followed this with a hand gesture which just made them laugh even more.

* * *

><p>Bags swinging round their ankles, shirts untucked and robes dangling off their arms, Max and Michael sprinted down the deserted corrridors, having overslept. Again. As they burst into History of Magic, panting and sweating, Professor Binns simply tutted and gestured to their seats. They sunk into their chairs, as their friends sent an array of gestures and looks their way, along with a few exasperated sighs.<p>

Laura pulled her pumpkin juice from her bag, and began to drink, as Maddy gave a little start, and stifled a giggle across the room, recieving confused glances from the majority of the class. It quickly became clear, however, why she was laughing - Laura had leapt up and sprinted across the classroom, wearing a huge grin, whilst yelling, "Cheer up chum! Why the long face?" She then attempted to hug the ghost, who looked thoroughly distubed. When, of course, her outstretched arms went right through him, her face crumpled and she asked "Why won't you let me hug you? What did I ever do to you?" Before anyone could answer her question, she caught sight of Chambers dying of laughter on his chair, and ran over to him, crying, "Hey, sassy man! I LOVE YOU! Isn't it just a b-e-a-u-tiful day?" She had pulled him to his feet and enveloped him in a hug, and now turned to the group, yelling, "GROUP HUG!" But they were in no fit state to answer, much less oblige - they had collapsed in a heap on the floor, weeping with laughter. "Oh, COME ON GUYS!" She exclaimed, exasperated. "Now is NOT the time for sleeping!" As she huffed an folded her arms, Chambers crumpled - she had been the only thing holding him upright.

"Pfft you lot are boring! I'm going to the Black Lake - I bet that Giant Squid knows how to partaay..." Laura trailed off in a trance, and skipped out of the classroom humming a merry tune.

Still hiccuping helplessly from the belly aching laughter, Phoebe got up and looked hard at the gang, who were still weeping and rolling around on the floor. Her eyes fixed on Maddy, who grinned sheepishly and shrugged. She sighed again "Maddy you are so screwed - she's gonna kill you for this..." She winked "But nice one!" And off she ran, following in Laura's wake, to prevent her from killing herself or someone else on the way to party with the giant squid.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Halfway down the seventh floor corridor, Phoebe found Laura. Just as she did so, there was a clattering of metal, and to Laura's delight, the suit of armour nearest the one eyed witch statue had sprung to life and began dancing a jolly irish jig. "Wow! You're quite the dancer!" Sang Laura as she hopped in, and began skipping around her knight.

A loud burst of laughter was heard, as well as a yell of "Brilliant George!", and the Weasley twins emerged from behind the statue. "Talk about gullible!" Laughed Fred as George made the knight bow and return to his podium. Phoebe interrupted their victory dance, "You know, I'm actually quite glad to see you two... For once..." She announced with a wink, causing the twins to look outraged. "What?" Gasped Fred. "You mean you _don't _spend your days pining for us?" Continued George in the same manner, and together they collapsed on the floor, and began to weep sarcastically.

"You see, I'm having an issue with-" She was cut off as Laura, discovering the knight was no longer dancing, had noticed the twins lying on the floor, and had leapt on them, yelling, "BUNDLE!" She looked quizzically at the twins, who were now lying beneath her, and on realizing who she had sat on, said, "Oh! Hello you two! I've missed you!" This was followed by an attempt to envelop them in a hug. The twins were so suprised that they'd forgotten all about their act, and were chuckling bemusedly. "Laura, darling, we've missed your fantastically smooth charm too," replied Fred, "But you're kind of crushing us, plus we have our reputation to worry about, so... If you wouldn't mind..." Finished George, sending a beseeching look to Phoebe, who giggled, and obliged, stepping forward and pulling Laura to her feet, then offered her hands to the red-haired pranksters, who thanked her ("Cheers chum"), took them, and heaved themselves up. Then, all three looked questioningly at Laura, who was now dancing the Knight's jig up the corridor, whilst flapping her arms.

Fred grinned, and turned to Phoebe, asking "Cheering charm?" She shook her head, "Potion." "Ah," said George "nothing to be done but wait until it wears off then... So what do you propose we do?" Phoebe thought for a moment, then smirked, "Well... We're technically supposed to be in HoM, but there is no way I'm taking her back like this - she'll kill someone-" "Plus the fact it's as boring as hell" Added the twins. "Well yes, there's that too... So what do you boys say to spending a while proving to us that you are actually as smart and awesome as you say you are... Providing, of course, that there's something to prove?"

After sharing a look, the twins seemed to come to a decision. "Well now, that depends..." Began George, and Fred continued in his most grand voice, "How would you two lovely ladies feel about being escorted by two fine bachelors such as us-" Phoebe snorted - fine bachelors? As if. "To an unknown destination, and have some fun?" Finished George with an flourished bow. Phoebe smirked, and curtsied."Why thankyou kind sirs, what a delightful suggestion!" George held out his arm to her, then yelled over his shoulder at his twin, "You get the loopy over excited one Gred!" Phoebe looked behind her at the lanky redhead being pulled along by the shorter, extremely blonde, and chuckled. 'What a brilliant start to the year.'

Together, the four teens strolled companionably along the Hogwarts corridors, flicking conversation, innuendos and jokes bak and forth, whilst watching Laura make a fool out of herself under the influence of Maddy's prank. Then, being the bright young witch she was, Phoebe realised they were headed back where they started, and sure enough, Laura's dancing knight and the one eyed witch soon came into view. Phoebe sighed, and turned to the twins. "Why on earth have we strolled around Hogwarts to end up exactly where we started?" Fred, with a mysterious air, replied "Now, you can't know all our secrets! We're about to give one away as it is!" When they reached the one eyed witch statue, George pulled out his wand, tapped it, and murmured "Descendium." Evidently, this was a password of some kind, as the statue opened up, revealing a long tunnel.

"How is it you always know these things before we do?" Asked Phoebe curiously, but Fred only winked and tapped his nose, seeming to say 'wouldn't you like to know', and she sighed. "Oh, and before you ask, no, we're not telling you where this leads, you'll just hve to wait and find out." Said George, just as Phoebe was opening her mouth. She 'hmphed', and crossed her arms. "Fine. Be like that."

Laura started getting very excited again, and jumped up and down on the spot. "Fred! Fred! Guess what!" But before he could answer with an undoubtedly witty remark, she answered herself, before sprinting into the tunnel, "We're going on an adventure and I'M GONNA BEAT YOU THERE!" The others laughed, and chased after her.

When they eventually caught her (thanks to a smooth rugby tackle by Fred), the cheerfulness had started to wear off, and Laura soon returned to her normal self, much to their relief. After about 10 minutes of wandering aimlessly along the dark tunnel, the heavy smell of sugar wafted towards them, and they knew they had reached their destination. "Well Weasleys... I have to say I'm impressed" sighed Phoebe, "We couldn't have pulled this one off." "Yet!" Said Laura with a wink.

"Now, ladies, we are your guides for the for the day." Announced George, bowing pompously towards the girls once again. "Where d'you wanna go?" Asked Fred, raising an eyebrow at his brother. "We are at your service..."

"Well now... That's intruiging..." The girls said, smirking at each other, "How about the grand Weasley tour?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: It's really short , and I'm sorry, but hopefully the next chapter or two will make up for it :) Hope you're enjoying this! :)**

**Chapter Four**

"What the hell happened to you?" Shouted Michael as Phoebe stumbled into the common room. Phoebe turned a deep shade of scarlet as she walked into the light. "PAHAHAHAHAHAH!" The group burst into loud fits of laughter. "You look ridiculous!" Giggled BTB, falling off her chair into a heap. "Gee, I would never have guessed! Thankyou for that clarification!" Muttered Phoebe sarcastically. "What did you do?" Asked Norman.

"Well," began Laura, "thanks to someone's pathetic attempt at a joke..." She shot daggers at Maddy. "Phoebe and I found ourselves in Hogsmeade with the Weasley's."

"What?"

"How?"

"Bloody Weasley's!"

"Exactly!" Laura continued, "We were walking back from Zonko's when George ran up behind Phoebe and shot a full body bind curse at her." A collective gaspfrom the gang told Laura that her story was having the desired effect. "I managed to run for it, because Fred's a bit slow, and the next time I saw our dear chum was in the entrance hall, and she had aquired these lovely ears!"

"Stupid bloody Weasley's" grumbled Phoebe, as her friends laughed at the pair of grey rabbit ears that had sprouted from the top of her head.

"Well... I have to say it's an improvement" said Max. Phoebe sent a standard book of spells zooming towards his head. "The problem is, they've either designed or discovered a jinx that I don't actually know the counter to, so I can't get rid of them!" Explained Phoebe, once her flying target had connected with Max's head with a satisfying 'clunk'.

BTB rolled her eyes. "As much as I hate to say it, especially as those ears are truely marvellous, you're going to have to pay a visit to Madame Pomfrey - she never asks too many questions." Phoebe sighed, and said, "I suppose so. But they're going to pay dearly for this." She shot an evil grin at Laura, who smirked back. "However, for the time being, a disillusionment charm might save me futher embarrassment..." She closed her eyes, crossed her finger, and waved her wand. Howeve, to her dismay, everyone burst out laughing, and she realised that all she had done was made her ears grow. "DAMMIT!" She cried, and pegged it, trying to retain as much dignity as one can with huge rabbit ears.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: I'm so sorry that this has taken ages to post, but hopefully the next few chapters will be published soon, so maybe that'll make up for it... Enjoy! :)**_

**Chapter 5 - What goes on when no-one's looking?**

**Part 1 - Chicken**

Laura sighed, and collapsed into a squashy armchair, already concocting all sorts of fiendish revenge pranks, but simply said, "So, what did we miss?" Her friends just looked at each other, and burst into laughter once more, reliving the day. "Helpful, thanks."

_**Flashback...**_

Blossom watched through tears of laughter as Phoebe disappeared out of the room. "Nice one!" She whispered, high-fiving Maddy under the desk. Despite these first ten minutes of excitement, the rest of the lesson was as uneventful as ever - Professor Binns droned on and on, unaware that, as usual, at least half the class were asleep. He didn't notice Michael drooling on the desk, or when Jacob softly started snoring. He didn't even bat an eyelid when Blossom fell off of her chair, crashed to the floor, only to blink blearily, and yawn, "Huh? What happened?" And fall promptly asleep again.

When the lesson finally ended, they were wide awake, having caught up on their missed sleep. "So, kids, what's next?" Maddy was bouncing, as usual, as she asked this, helpfully forgetting that she was in fact the youngest in the group... She glanced around the group, who, one after the other, shrugged - nobody bothered looking at their timetable normally as Phoebe or BTB always knew what lesson was next. Together, they all looked expectedly at the latter, who was racking her brains. "Ah... I remember... Potions" A collective groan went up, and off they trudged.

As they gathered in the dungeons corridor, all looking far grumpier than they had earlier that morning, despite their naps and the good weather, Max suddenly looked up, with that familiar mischievous glimmer in his eye. "Hey, I know how we can spice this up..." Chambers jumped up and down excitedly "Come on, spill! SPILL!" Max glanced around. "How do you fancy a game of chicken?" Everyone breathed a sigh of relief - a game of chicken usually ended badly, but was hilarious and much safer than some of the crazy ideas Max had suggested in the past.

* * *

><p>"Enter."<p>

The dark dungeon door swung open, and hiding in the shadows lurked Professor Snape. Snape looked particularly deadly this year; his dark bags under his eyes were very prominent against his pale face and thick, midnight black, greasy hair. As his eyes fell upon the gang, everything in his expression showed the deepest loathing.

They filed silently into the dungeon, anticipating chaos, and as they sat down on their customary bench, Snape began his 'welcome back' speech, if you could call it that. "In your third year at Hogwarts, it is my unfortunate duty," he glared down his nose at the Gryffindor's in particular, "to teach you the more advanced and subtle areas of potion making." He sneered, and continued in a mocking tone, "I fear that some of you will not be able to understand or cope with the beauty of more advanced potions; those who would rather be brawny than brainy will never be worthy of the fine art that is potions."

Michael and the rest of the boys turned to Norman with raised eyebrows - said person was unfairly good at almost everything, as he was both brawny _and _brainy, and excelled in most subjects.

"And so it begins" muttered Jacob, shooting Max a toothy grin. "Okay, it was my idea so I'll go first," said Max, surveying the group with a look that made them all nervous. "Chambers, I think I'll start with you." Chambers' face turned slightly green, and he gulped but muttered, "Do your worst."

"You see that cauldron on Snape's desk?"

"Yeah, I see it"

"Go and steal a flask of it."

"Pfft easy!" Grinned Chambers, looking mildly relieved at the simplicity of the task. He ducked down under the bench and crawled to the front. Snape didn't see him as he was too busy shouting at Marietta Edgecoombe, whose cauldron had exploded, again. Ghostlike, Chambers stole the liquids, before returning to the safety of his friends. "Piece of cake. But I haven't got a clue what it is..."

"Gimme," said Norman, holding out his hand, "Phwoar! It stinks like hell!" He cried, after taking a sniff from the brown gloop bubbling violently in front of him. "I reckon that's polyjuice potion..."

_**Review!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Part 2 - Lockhart 1, Snape 0**

"Excellent," said Max, drumming his fingers on the desk. "Chambers, come 'ere." Everyone watched Max whisper his plans in his mate's ear, as his grin grew wider, making everyone else uneasy. Then Max handed him a scrunched up tissue, and winked. Chambers grinned evilly. "Right... Michael, it's your turn now!" Michael groaned, and pounded his head on the table. Chambers unfolded the tissue to reveal a shining golden hair. He threw it into the gloop, which fizzed and turned a violent shade of lilac, with a sickly, oversweet smell which made you want to gag.

"Is that... Is that what I think it is?" Asked Michael, dreading the answer. Max gave him a sly grin, "You betcha! Now, here's what you've got to do... Take these robes," he held out a freshly laundered, pale blue set, "And spend the next hour as Lockhart."

"No. NO!" Michael splutter, outraged. "Anyone but him!" Max shook his head. "Sorry, no-can-do… Just go to the bathroom and change already!" Sighing, Michael got to his feet and walked out of the dungeon door, the robes and vial of potion concealed beneath his cloak.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later, in flounced Professor Lockhart, white teeth flashing. He strolled over to Snape, winking surreptitiously at the gang as he passed them. "Professor Sna-ape!" He sang, "How are you my fine fellow?" Snape gritted his teeth, and said, in a voice like ice, "Fine. Just peachy. What are <em>you <em>doing here, Lockhart?" The golden haired idiot seemed unperturbed by his colleague's lack of courtesy, and went on to say, "I was walking past, and just thought I'd drop in to share some of my expertise - give you a hand." He winked again at Snape, who was swelling with anger, and growing redder by the second. "Get out! GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!" Lockhart looked shocked, and took on a grand air, "I was only trying to help you know." He turned to the class, and said, as if he was royalty, "And if any of you young scallywags need my help, you know where to find me." Then he flounced out of the room.

There was a moment of silence as the students all looked at on another, before erupting into gales of laughter. Maddy was weeping. "Did you see his face?" She spluttered to no-one in particular.

Snape took one look at his class, and exploded. "GET OUT OF HERE YOU BRATS!" So they did, clutching their sides and heaving with laughter.

* * *

><p>Michael, (still looking like Lockhart) was leaning casually against a wall waiting for them, laughing. Jacob stumbled up to him, wiping tears away, exclaiming, "Mate, that was amazing!" As he high-fived him. Unable to speak due to the aching in their sides (and the fact that they were still laughing), the rest of them just nodded.<p>

Once they had calmed themselves down enough to be able to scramble away from the potion master's lair, Blossom turned and asked, "So, what're we doing now? I mean, thanks to Lockhart here," Michael performed an extravagant bow, "We've finished our day early!" She grinned, but it soon faded once she caught sight of Michael's evil little smirk. "Well..." His smirk grew, " I believe it's BTB's turn now..." Bloss let out an audible sigh of relief, but on hearing Michael's announcement, BTB looked round and all the colour drained from her face.

**Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Part 3 - The Jelly Incident**

As BTB stepped out onto the quidditch pitch, legs quivering, Michael and Chambers swooped down out of the sky. "Right, it's simple really," said Michael as he gently touched the ground, "All you have to do is take this," he thrust the quaffle unexpectedly at her, so she fumbled and it slipped through her fingers onto the grass, "And throw it through the hoop." He pointed to the middle goal, towering above their heads. BTB looked up and turned a faint shade of green. "O... Okay..." She whimpered, taking the broomstick from Chambers.

**A/N: Now, at this point, I must explain something about our dear BTB - she prefers to keep both feet planted firmly on the ground, and has no passion whatsoever for flying. So, with that in mind, read on!**

She rose slowly, a look of pure terror etched on her face. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself down. Then Michael shouted up at her, "Okay, as soon as you've got it in the hoop_ once_, you can come down!" She looked at the hoop at the other end of the pitch, and began to move hesitantly towards it.

However, when she was 3/4 of the way there, her broom started jerking wildly. She screamed "WHAT? ARGHHHH! SHIIIIIIT!" And she zoomed higher and higher, whilst zigzagging and clinging on for dear life.

Down below her were the motley crew, one of whom was staring fixedly at BTB and muttering suspiciously. Max, deciding that this dare was too easy, and that he hadn't done enough evil deeds yet, was jinxing her broom. Typical.

Suddenly, there was an ear-splitting shriek, and, as if in slow-motion, a small figure way above them fell off a tiny broom, throwing a teeny quaffle even higher into the air. "Quick!" Maddy yelled, "Do something!" So Norman, being the smart, quick-thinking guy that he is, waved his wand and in front of them appeared... A giant bowl of jelly. Blossom rolled her eyes and looked scathingly at him, as if to say, 'And how exactly does that help?' But then there was a loud 'plop', and a splash, as BTB landed in the giant pudding. She came up spluttering. "WHAT THE HELL? Whose FAULT WAS THAT CRAZY BROOM? AND WHO, MIGHT I ASK, IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE JELLY?" She yelled. Max and Norman chose that moment to look away and whistle innocently. "I should have known." BTB muttered.

Sensing a rant coming, Jacob jumped in and said, "Well, at least you scored!" BTB looked slightly shocked. The quaffle had fallen through the hoop after she had lobbed it. "And if it's any consolation, you did better than we thought you would... Although there was considerably more jelly involved than we'd predicted." Here, he looked questioningly at Norman, who shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea at the time!" Maddy looked exasperated. "What happened to 'Aresto Momentum'?" "I didn't notice you coming up with any other bright ideas!" Maddy opened her mouth to retaliate, but was interrupted.

"Bethan! Where're you going?" Blossom yelled. BTB had clambered out of the jelly, and was now waddling in the direction of the castle. She turned. "_I _am going for a bath because _someone _decided to make me ride a broom, and then _someone _made me fall off, and to top it all off, _someone_ dropped me in jelly!" She was shouting by the end, and began to walk away again, when Jacob shouted after her, "Wait! You haven't said whose turn it is next!" She turned, smirking evilly, and then hollered, "YOU! I AM DARING YOU, JACOB SODDING HARPER! B, it is YOUR job to make sure he gets a decent dare!" Blossom mock-saluted her, and called "Yes ma'am!"

"JELLY LADY OUT!" And with that, BTB waddled away.

**Ahahahaha writing this last chapter was so much fun! :D What did you think?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Part 4 - The fan club makes it's appearance...**

Blossom and Maddy disappeared into a hum of chatter, trying to devise an appropriately evil dare. "Come on, let's go" said Michael-Lockhart, leading the rest of the boys off the Quidditch pitch. A group of first year girls, who had been huddled up in the stands talking excitedly to one another, descended to ambush 'Lockhart' as he entered the changing rooms.

"Professor! Your flying just now was truly marvellous - you'd be a brilliant Quidditch player!" Squealed a short red headed girl in the front. "Oooh yeah Professor, you'd win every match!" Said a tall dark Slytherin girl at the back, as she ran her pale fingers through her greasy hair.

"Ah well thank you girls!" Replied the Michael-Lockhart, growing about 3 inches as he spoke. "I used to play as a younger man," he continued in his best Lockhart impression, "But it's a dream I've long since given up on; my priority now is to pass on my expertise to you, and teach you all how to protect yourself and stay safe in the big world." The girls gave a collective squeal and went weak at the knees. "See you later girls" he said with a wink.

A strange tickling sensation washed over Michael, and before he knew it, he had morphed back into his old self, glasses and all, right in front of 'his' admirers...

"AH! Professor!" Squeaked the redhead, as Michael looked round in horror. "So this is the disguise you use around school? Or is this your secret identity? That's so clever professor, really sneaky! Don't worry though, we'd never tell a soul!" With that, the first years disappeared, before Michael had a chance to plead his innocence.

"This will only end badly." groaned Michael, burying his face in his hands.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"And that is when Michael ran off squealing like a little girl." Concluded Max, as everyone laughed. "Did NOT!" yelled Michael, going red. "I bet you did though..." Chuckled Laura, grabbing a liquorice wand. "So, B, have you devised one of your killer dares yet?" "Hehehe nu-uh, not yet, be afraid Jacob!" Giggled B, casting a sly glance at Jacob, who laughed through a mouthful of cauldron cakes and exclaimed, "Give me your worst".

"Well, you brought this upon yourself!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 6 - The Blonde Bimbo (And no, it's not Phoebe or Laura, or Jacob.)**

They next saw Phoebe at around 10 that evening, when she skipped into the common room, cried "Look! No ears!" and did her funny celebratory wiggle. She went over to the group, and they began playing Jacob's favourite muggle card game – 'UNO' – and it quickly became very competitive and noisy. It wasn't until the clock chimed 11.30, and they began yawning, that they realised that they should probably head to bed – after all, they had DADA the next day, a lesson which Maddy and Blossom felt they needed their beauty sleep for…

* * *

><p>The next morning dawned bright and clear – the perfect flying conditions according to the Quidditch nuts (Phoebe, Chambers, Michael, Laura and Norman), but unfortunately the Quidditch season had not yet started.<p>

Due to the good weather, everyone was in good spirits; Max and Michael even managed to have time for breakfast! So it was with smiles on their faces that they strolled to their first DADA lesson of the year. Naturally, they delighted in teasing Maddy and Blossom on their obvious crush on the famous Professor Gilderoy Lockhart (they kept playing with their hair, and checking if they looked okay), until they reached the classroom door.

Their new Professor threw open the door, and welcomed them in a flamboyant gesture, making sure everybody noticed his lilac robes, whilst grinning and flashing his unnaturally white teeth.

"Welcome, welcome, one and all!" He cried, attracting their attention, "My name is Gilderoy Lockhart, 5 times winner of 'Witch Weekly's most charming smile award', but I didn't beat the Band of Banshee by smiling at them!" He winked.

By this point, everyone in the gang (bar Maddy, Blossom, and BTB who had gone into a swoon) wore disgusted and shocked looks. "Seriously?" whispered Laura, outraged, to Phoebe, who replied, equally so, "How the hell are we gonna get through a year with _him_?" Together they shook their heads in disbelief, Max, Norman, Jacob, Chambers and Michael looking as if they were thinking along the same lines. To their utter disgust, however, BTB had fallen victim to his 'charm', whereas Blossom and Maddy were already obsessed, and all three were staring at Lockhart, soaking in his every word. "Oh no!" Chambers groaned, "Why, just why?"

Astonishingly, it got worse. To see who had read their books and taken in the information, they were set a test, but it wasn't a test on defence knowledge, oh no, it was a test about Gilderoy Lockhart, whit questions ranging from 'When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal present be?' to 'In your opinion, what is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?'. The three love struck girls got straight to work, but Phoebe in particular, who was always the first to make sure none of her friends skipped a test of any kind, sat back in her chair, dumbstruck.

"This is ridiculous!" She fumed, "How on _earth _does this test our knowledge on Defence Against the Darks Arts?" Max had turned to Chambers, and said, "I didn't think it was possible for a guy to be this self-centred!" Chambers only shook his head. Jacob turned to his six _sane_ friends, and announced, "I don't know what you guys think, but I'm certainly not going to sit here and answer pointless questions about some git who wears _lilac_! No self–respecting guy does that!" He scowled at the blonde bimbo prancing about at the front of the class. After about two minutes of doing the same, Norman lost patience. "Okay, I can't take this anymore either! We are in dire need of a prank; what've we got?" Relieved that they finally had something productive to do, the seven of them began turning out their pockets onto the desk (they didn't bother with trying to be discreet - their Professor was too busy preening himself in his large, ornate mirror to notice anything but how his hair looked).

"Right... So together we have... A few broken quills, some beetle eyes, various sweets and wrappers, some string, and a pygmy puff (Nigel had snuck into Norman's pocket). Oh, and our wands of course. Not the best set up I've ever seen..." Announced Chambers, but was cut off by Phoebe who suddenly grabbed her test parchment and frantically scanned it, muttering, "Come on, come on! YES! Guys, I've got a plan!" They all looked slightly dumbfounded, and Max exclaimed, "What? How the hell did you come up with a plan by glancing at a test paper? I mean, come on, it's a _test paper_!"

Phoebe sighed a world-weary sigh that spoke volumes, ignored him, and instead asked, "Max, do you have any way of getting the ginger beast here?" He looked thoughtful, and for a few minutes there was silence, until he said slowly, "Yeah, I think so..." He drew his wand and yelled "ACCIO TERRANCE!", just as Phoebe shouted, "No! Wait! We're not ready yet!" But it was too late. A giant, ginger, yowling beast came flying into the room, hitting Michael square in the face, leaving small but deep claw marks, before jumping into Max's lap and purring.

"Oww! Shizer! Remind me, why do we want that _thing _in here?" Cried Michael, massaging his face. Phoebe sighed again, leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. "Dee, look at question 6. Read it out, would you?" Laura took up the piece of parchment, and read "Gilderoy Lockhart loves most fluffy animals, particularly the newly discovered Pygmy Puff, but what is the one common household pet that he frequently has disagreements with?" Phoebe opened her eyes and glanced at her comrades, who still looked completely befuddled. She shut her eyes again, and began to explain in very short, simple sentences. "Honestly. Lockhart hates cats. Terrance is a cat. Terrance hates Nigel."

Laura twigged, and jumped in excitedly, saying, "So if we introduce Nigel to the blonde buffoon, and then let Terrance loose, he'll chase Nigel, and Lockhart will think he's being attacked, thus allowing us to peg it!" Realisation finally dawned on the boy's faces, and they grinned, shouting a mixture of phrases; "GENIUS!" "BRILLIANT" "FANTASTICO!" "MARVELLOUS!". Phoebe looked smug, pleased that her plan was being well received. Michael, of course, muttered, "I still don't get it..." Laura rolled her eyes, and said, "So, how do we plan to execute this prank?" Her twin smirked, and said, "Don't worry, I've already thought of that. Here's what we do..."

* * *

><p>Minutes, later, they were ready. Phoebe, acting the innocent schoolgirl, raised her hand to attract the professor's attention. He sauntered over, and she and Laura began sweet-talking him, gushing about how brilliant his books were, and how much they admired him. Of course, they just <em>happened <em>to mention Nigel, and when Lockhart asked to meet him, they were only too happy to oblige, bringing him out of their pocket, and handing him over. What he didn't know was that as he was complimenting how gloriously purple Nigel was, Max was readying Terrance for 'battle'. The orange furball had caught sight of Nigel, and was squirming in Max's grasp, hissing and spitting, itching to chase him.

With a sudden roar, he shot out of Max's arms, having bitten his fingers, and flew at Lockhart. The numpty hugged Nigel to his chest, screamed, and sprinted to the other end of the classroom, and out of the door. Quick as a flash, and with a loud cheer, the gang jumped up, grabbed BTB, Bloss and Maddy, and raced out too, most of the class trailing in their wake.

Once they'd gone a few corridors, and were out of earshot of any teachers or students, the pranksters collapsed with laughter, and even the three love struck girls had to see the funny side. Laura turned to Phoebe, and said, "Bleurgh! I need to wash my mouth out after that! Join me?" Phoebe laughed. "Always, but it'll have to wait I'm afraid - we can't leave this lot alone, and if I'm right, we've got a game of chicken to continue!" She winked, offered a hand to her best mate, and pulled her up from the floor. They grinned at each other, then turned to the gang.

"Job well done!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 7**

Blossom was thinking hard, face screwed up in concentration, as they sauntered along a 7th floor corridor. Naturally, B ignored the fact that the chosen dare could turn nasty, and decided that this would the perfect punishment to inflict on Jacob after the ordeal BTB suffered the day before. She was muttering to herself. "Well, I know what he should do, but we haven't got the equipment or somewhere to go... I need a room to use. I need a room to use... I need a room..." On the third time she muttered this, a door that none of them had ever seen before appeared on their left. Phoebe looked puzzled. "Huh? Where did this come from?"

B pushed the door open and the gang crept inside, as they looked around they saw a single kitchen worktop in the centre of the room surrounded by ten stools. On the worktop surface, there was a single pot of cinnamon and a spoon. Jacob saw the cinnamon and realised immediately what his challenge would be. "You've got a really twisted sense of humour... I respect that." Said Jacob with a determined look on his face.

"Hehe you flatter me!" Replied Blossom with a celebratory skip. The rest of the guys gathered round and took their places on the stools, "Will someone please explain what he has to do?" Said Laura shooting a puzzled look at Phoebe who simply rolled her eyes at her; of course _she_ knew what was going on. Typical. She explained for the benefit of the group - not even all the muggleborns knew what B and Jacob were talking about.

"The Cinnamon Challenge is a muggle dare game that involves attempting to swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon without vomiting or inhaling the powder. I'm assuming B has _conveniently forgotten_ that is it potentially very dangerous - people are sometimes admitted to hospital because of it." She said the phrase 'conveniently forgotten' with air quotes, and shot a weak glare at B, who simply shrugged and said, "Hey, its not my fault if he dies".

"Kind of like trying to eat a black pepper Bertie Botts Bean and keeping a straight face." Stated Phoebe in a matter of fact kind of way, to Laura who still looked confused. The wizard kids gave a collective 'ahh' of understanding, and then Max piped up and said "Pfft I can do that."

"Yeah well, you're hardly normal are you? Jacob on the other hand will never be able to do it, we all know he's a wuss." Countered Phoebe.

"Now that sounds like a challenge blondie. Bring it," said Jacob confidently strutting towards the table. "Let's do this!" He shouted plunging the spoon into the cinnamon. He lifted the spoon to his lips, screwed his eyes shut tight and put the cinnamon into his mouth.

For a moment there was silence as Jacob tried to force himself to swallow, and everyone thought he was going to do it. But then he coughed violently, collapsed off of his stool, onto the floor and began retching, sending orange powder everywhere. His mates took one look at him and collapsed too, with laughter, after all, he had told them that he could take it, yet here he was, choking on the floor! "Oi! I'm choking here! One of you twats could _at the very least _grab me a glass of water?" Jacob choked out, tears streaming down his face. Maddy stumbled to her feet, went over to the sink, and brought back a glass of cool water. Jacob took several gulps, then sighed in relief, and said very sincerely, "Thanks, I love you!" Then he turned to everyone rolling on the floor. "Ha bloody ha. I hate you all." Phoebe sat up, chuckling, "Well, I was right - you ARE a wuss and you couldn't do it!" Which, of course, just set everyone off again. Jacob scowled. "When you're quite finished, it's nearly lunchtime, and I'm starving."

At this, the boys (and Phoebe) jumped up, because of course, food was a major issue, and they couldn't risk missing it! Together, they raced out of the room. The girls rolled their eyes, got up, and pegged it after them - who knew what they'd get up to whilst they had no one keeping an eye on them?

* * *

><p>Sure enough, when they caught up with the boys a few corridors away from the great hall, Michael had already got a problem. His first year stalkers were back. They heard him shout desperately, "Look, get this into your tiny brains - I AM NOT PROFESSOR LOCKHART, SO LEAVE ME ALONE!"<p>

"Hehehehehe don't worry professor really! We haven't told a single person your secret is totally safe with us." Giggled the short red head girl "But please professor can you come and help us with some DADA homework we're having trouble with?"

"NO I BLOODY WELL CAN'T! AND WILL YOU PLEASE STOP CALLING ME PROFESSOR! I don't want people thinking I'm that pathetic sissy!" Shouted Michael turning a dark red colour with fury. As he turned to leave the first years began shuffling along behind him talking excitedly amongst themselves, "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT FOLLOWING ME!" Shouted Michael with venom in his eyes. One chubby blonde Ravenclaw girl burst into tears and the girls disappeared down the corridor.

"Smoooth" sang Laura leading off to the hall.


	11. You have a really nice arse'

'**You have a really nice arse!'**

After a particularly boring hour of Transfiguration the gang climbed back through the portrait hole into the safety of the common room. Just as Maddy set foot inside the common room, Jacob grabbed her wrist and pulled her behind the tapestry of Sir Barnabus De Mimsy getting chased by a Norwegian Ridgeback. "What are you playing at?" Whispered Maddy looking extremely confused.

"It's time for your dare!" Replied Jacob as Maddy breathed a sigh of relief, "Now take these." Said Jacob pushing a heart shaped box of chocolates into her hands.

"And what am I supposed to do with these cheap looking things?" Bellowed Maddy once again looking a little agitated.

"These cheap looking things I'll have you know contain a little potion I created called the Homo elixia. All you have to do is give it to one of the unsuspecting guys out there." He said pointing towards the hum of chatter coming from the common room.

"Right, I can do that," said Maddy nodding enthusiastically.

"And could you be snappy about it, I really want to see what happens before dinner." Grinned Jacob.

"How rude!" Sang Maddy shrinking the chocolate box and hiding it in her robes, "You try my patience Jacob Harper." With that she stormed out from behind the tapestry.

The gang had claimed the two squishy sofas in front of the fire and were excitedly talking about their first Hogsmeade trip next week.

"Hey, Max have you still got that gobstones set I lent you?" Said Maddy wandering into the light of the fire.

"Erm... Yeah I think so... Actually yeah it's on top of my trunk, I'll just go get it-" but Maddy cut him off midsentence, "no need Max I'll go up and get it." She grinned skipping off towards the boy's dormitories.

Maddy weaved her way towards Norman's bed and placed the enlarged box of chocolates on his bed. 'Urgh god you boys stink.' Thought Maddy, grabbing her gobstones kit and leaving as fast as possible. 

"Got it!" She squeaked sitting down next to Blossom, "Oh and Norman it looks like Terrance has left you a 'treat' on your bed again." She giggled.

"THAT BLOODY FURBALL!" Growled Norman, "Honestly Max learn to control that bloody ginger beast of yours!" He stormed of to his dorm furiously marching across the room.

"SHIT!" Gasped Chambers with a look of terror on his face, "I left my Quidditch robes on his bed!" He scrambled up the stairs after Norman.

* * *

><p>"Please tell me the robes are ok?" Panted Chambers after running up 4 flights of stairs.<p>

"Huh what?" Said Norman not noticing Chambers enter the room.

"Hey, what've you got there? Is that chocolate?" Questioned Chambers noticing the pink box in his hand.

"Errr.. I dunno they were on my bed when I got up here." Replied Norman looking a little puzzled.

"Le's 'ave a look." Grinned Chambers gesturing for Norman to pass him the box. "Mmmmm... Looks like you've got an admirer!" Joked Chambers wiggling his hips.

"Have not!" Said Norman spinning round to face him. "Hey those are mine!"

Chambers' cheeks bulged out like a hamster as he began stuffing the chocolates into his mouth, "I just wanted to try one..." Whimpered Chambers trying to look innocent.

Norman snatched the box out of Chambers' out stretched hands, "Hmm.. Not bad... What's that flavour? I can't quite put my finger on it" said Norman thoughtfully, chewing his ways through 3 more sweets.

"Hey Norman?" Said Chambers.

"Yeah"

"I have a warm feeling spreading through my insides" a wide grin appeared on Chambers' face.

"Yeah.. Yeah, I know what you mean" said Norman looking dramatically off into the distance.

"Norman?"

"Yeah?"

"Have I ever told you, you have a really nice arse." Said Chambers looking quizzically round at Norman's bum.

"Really? You think so?" Squealed Norman running a hand over his rump, "Wow, I've never noticed how dark and sexy your eyes are." He gazed into Chambers' eyes, their faces slowly being drawn closer together.

They were just inches apart when-

"What are you doing?"

Max had just walked through the door with a very worried look on his face.

Chambers turned his head, got to his feet and smiled at Max. "Well, I was just telling Norman here," Chambers looked up at him "How nice his bum is, and then he told me I have sexy eyes!" He grinned, and fluttered his eyelashes flirtatiously as he strolled over to Max, swaying his hips. "What do you think? Are my eyes sexy?" His best mate's mouth dropped open in disbelief - he knew his friend was somewhat camp, but really, this was too much! Norman took his gob smacked expression to be one expressing that Chambers' eyes were indeed sexy, and he smirked, as if to say 'I told you so'.

Norman swaggered past the two, on his way to the common room, but as he passed Chambers, he said (none too quietly) "Look, Chambers, you may have sexy eyes and have an amazing swagger, but I've got my eye on other people. I'll give you this advice though - Max has gorgeous hair, and is _definitely _a keeper!" He ran his fingers through Max's hair and left.

Max looked terrified, but Chambers was looking him up and down. "You know, you really are quite good looking Maxy... And Norman was right... You do have beautiful hair!" He stepped towards him

* * *

><p>Whilst all this was going on upstairs, most of the gang were still chillaxing by the fire (Laura and Phoebe had claimed their sofas again, and were determined to keep them this time, having a couple of tricks up their sleeves...). Jacob however kept glancing curiously towards the boy's dorm and then at Maddy.<p>

"God, Terrance must have left him a huge 'gift' if it's taking them this long!" Exclaimed Phoebe, wrinkling her nose in disgust. Jacob and Maddy started sniggering. "Right. Spill. What the hell did you do?" Demanded Phoebe. Jacob grinned, and started to explain, but at that moment, Norman swaggered down the stairs, humming. He didn't even look at the others; just went straight over to BTB, and exclaimed, "Girlfriend, what the heck are you wearing? You seriously need to sort yourself out - come talk to me later!" He winked, and surveyed the rest of them. "Hmmm.. I suppose you'll do... Although, Michael? Pull your trousers up! It is not cool to let your arse hang out!" Everyone looked shocked at this outburst - Norman was the last person who ever gave style advice, and generally didn't care what he wore!

However, there wasn't much time to puzzle it out - there was a loud scream from the stairway, and Max came flying into the room, Chambers following close behind. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM AND NORMAN!" Max yelled to the gang, who were laughing, but didn't really understand what was happening. Jacob jumped up, and explained hurriedly, "Well I dared Maddy to give Norman a box of chocolates spiked with 'Homo elixia'" Phoebe face palmed, and said, "Chambers and Norman are effectively gay until the potion wears off of course, whenever that may be... Brilliant. Of course, this is going to go so horribly wrong!"

"Urgh, right as usual it's me who has to fix this" tutted Phoebe with her hands on her hips.

"Oh in the name of Merlin's most saggy y-fronts will you chillax! This could be fun." Sniggered Laura with an evil grin on her face. "Hey Chambers, I've heard a rumour that McLaggen over there has had a cheeky crush on you for a while now..."

"Oh! Wowwee he's like soooo totally gorgeous, what shall I say? What shall I wear? Hey Blossom look at me from the side and tell me if I look fat?" Squeaked Chambers becoming increasingly excited. "Oh look! There he is he's coming this way! What shall I do?" Chambers was skipping up and down becoming very nervous now.

"Quick!" Said BTB elbowing her copy of ' A History of Magic' onto the floor where McLaggen was about to walk. "Pick it up" hissed BTB through gritted teeth.

"Oh right" said Chambers with a wink. He stepped out, "Oh, don't mind me" he giggled as McLaggen arrived. He bent over in front of him wiggling his bum in the air. He gave McLaggen a cheeky grin, winked and strutted back to the sofa looking very proud of himself, and perched himself on Max's lap.

"Smooth" said BTB holding back tears of laughter, "So Norman, who do you have your eye on?"

Norman looked round and blushed. "No there's no one babe" he said trying to remain cool.

"Liar you like someone and you know it!" Grinned BTB throwing a pillow at him.

"Hahaha no I..." The girly grin on Norman's face faded and Chambers looked round at Max in horror as he realised what he'd just done.

"Oh shit" he said jumping of Max's lap and bury his face in his hands, as everyone burst out laughing.

"You know, I'd quite like it if one of you was gay; it really would be very entertaining!" Said Phoebe with a chuckle, tucking into a pumpkin pasty she found on the table.


	12. The Future Mrs Creevey

**The Future Mrs. Creevey…**

About ten minutes later, after Phoebe had made her way through 3 pumpkin pasties and was chomping on Maddy's packet of Droobles best blowing gum, she piped up and said "So whose turn is it next?"

Everyone looked at Blossom who had sunk down behind the latest copy of the Quibbler. "No point trying to hide short arse, it's your turn to suffer." Sneered Michael fiddling with a sneakoscope his mum and dad had sent him two Christmases ago.

"Really, I'm more of a dare giver, then a dare doer..." She stuttered turning a light shade of pink, "anyway I'm still mentally scarred from last time!"

The gang began reminiscing about last time, a particularly evil dare from max had left blossom running out of Professor Snape's office wearing nothing but a pink poncho and a cowboy hat. One by one the broke out laughing, "Yeah," spluttered BTB "that's precisely why we want to make you do it again! It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen."

"Well I'm glad I entertain you." Said Blossom, crossing her arms and screwing up her face, looking very offended, "I still say I've suffered enough for one life time."

"Haha not so lucky bambino!" Squeaked Maddy "hmmm... But what shall I dare you?" Maddy trailed off deep in thought.

"Oi!" Shouted Chambers "why do you get to dare her?"

"Excuse me! I believe it was my dare last." She said.

"Yeah but we suffered for it!" Said Norman joining the fight.

"Alright, alright!" Said Phoebe holding up her hands in her usual motherly way. "Blossom who do you want to dare you?"

Blossom's eyes flitted nervously between the boys and Maddy, "Errr... I guess... You two." She said defeated, gesturing over towards them, "sorry Maddy, you know too much and I'll never trust that face."

"How rude!" Added Maddy I her usual exaggerated snob voice.

"Go then what's my punishment?" Whispered Blossom hanging her head anticipating the worst.

"Oh no you'll have to wait." Smirked Chambers, "We want to make this good." They high fived and with the rest of the boys disappeared to their dormitory.

"I'm doomed" said Blossom flopping onto the floor.

* * *

><p>The next morning at breakfast Laura was moaning at Phoebe for waking her up so early, "what I will never understand is why someone would <em>willingly <em>get up at 6! It's just ridiculous!" She 'hmpfed' and yawned at her toast.

"I didn't mean to! If Blossom hadn't left her robes on the floor I wouldn't have fallen on you!" It was at this point that the boys chose to join them.

"Who 'fell' on you?" Giggled Jacob with a wink at Max. The rest of the boys started laughing and plonked themselves down around the girls.

"Oh hardy har har! Phoebe's blatantly pretending she 'tripped' because she has all these strong lesbian urges." Laura said mockingly "Watch out girls none of us are safe!" She gave the girls a stage terrified look, and they all gasped.

"Thanks Dee." Said Phoebe sending Laura daggers over her bowl of cheri-owls.

The boys scrambled to grab food from across the table and began munching their way through mountains of sausages and toast.

"Oh, Blossom" spluttered Chambers through an entire mouthful of sausage, "We have your dare!" Blossom turned a pale shade of green and dropped her spoon in her cereal bowl with a thunderous clatter. "Calm down, calm down. We've been nice... Ish..." Grinned Chambers failing to keep up the innocent act, "All you have to do is go over there and have a little flirt with wee Colin Creevey."  
>"Oh god no!" Cried Blossom smashing her face on the table. Norman sniggered as wee little Colin Creevey wandered into the Great Hall and joined the other first year Gryffindors.<br>"I suppose I should get this over with." Sighed Blossom as she stood and trudged over to her doom.

When Blossom sat on the bench opposite Colin, the first years threw each other confused looks and started whispering to the person next to them.  
>"Hi." Said Blossom gulping "err... Hi Colin, taken any good pictures lately?"<br>Colin looked a little confused but a cheeky smile grew on his face, "Yeah I've got one of peeves throwing tomatoes at Mr Filch. Oh and there's this really cool one of Professor Lockhart wandering round with his flies undone-" He was cut off by Blossom; through tears of laughter she spluttered "Wow I'd love to see that!"  
>"Well you can!" Colin looked like a light bulb had just switched on inside his head "come with me!"<p>

Without warning Colin jumped up and dragged Blossom off out of the Great Hall. As she passed the gang she gave them a pleading look but no one reacted, they were far too busy laughing at Blossom's pain.

* * *

><p>"Ya know, when I said 'I'd love to see that', I didn't actually mean that you had to show me…" mumbled Blossom as Colin dragged her through the common room and up to the first year boy's dorm. She stood gasping for breath as he rummaged through his bedside drawers. Pulling out a photo, he scurried next to B, and held it out to her. "Look!" he giggled. Sure enough, Blossom could see a flustered-looking Lockhart hurrying along a corridor, with his flies undone. But there was something… familiar …about that bewildered expression… She peered at his face, watching him take off a pair of glasses and slip them into his pocket. It was Michael-Lockhart!<p>

She burst out laughing – oh the mischief she could cause with this photo! Once composed, she turned top Colin, and said, "Colin, this is just incredible - do you mind if I borrow it? Please?" Colin looked thoughtfully for a minute, then said, "No, I'm sorry but no… I'm glad you like it though!" he smiled, and B grinned back, before skipping out of the dorm, down the stairs and back to the Great Hall where the gang were waiting.

* * *

><p>Running over to them, she plopped down onto the bench. Max raised his eyebrows, "Back so soon? What happened to dear sweet Colin?" B rolled her eyes, and replied, "Never mind that – I've got some amazing news!" Everyone leaned closer, intrigued. "Ya know Colin said he had a picture of Lockhart with his flies undone? Well, it turns out that it's actually Michael when he was pretending to be Lockhart!"<p>

Around her, the friends burst out laughing, bar Michael who went red and buried his head in his hands. Jacob turned to the gang, and cried:

"We have got to get that photo!"


	13. Love and Quidditch

**Love and Quidditch...**

"I still can't believe you didn't notice you had your flies undone!" Giggled Maddy. A week had passed and the jokes about Michael's wardrobe malfunction were still coming thick and fast. "I mean you must have been walking around like that for about an hour!"

"Hey at least it's only you lot who know it was me." Grinned Michael, sucking on a sugar quill. At this though Blossom rolled her eyes guiltily and looked away, trying to conceal the flash of red that had flooded her cheeks. "What did you do?" Shouted Michael with a worried look on his face.

"Errrr... Well... I may _possibly_ have told Colin that it was you and he _may_ have run of excitedly to tell his friends-"

"Wait." Interrupted Maddy "When exactly did he become _Colin_?" She gave a girlish wiggle when she said 'Colin' and Blossom's cheeks went a dark shade of purple.

"What? I mean... Errrmm.. He's just a friend." Blossom tried to plead her innocence but it was too late. Laughter filled her the air mixed in with cries like: "Oh! The future Mrs Creevey!" "When's the wedding?" And "At least he's taller than you!"

Blossom turned bright red, stamped her feet, and cried, "Shut UP! He's not like that you twats!"

To which, of course, just made them laugh all the more!

* * *

><p>Max and Chambers stomped over to the oak tree under which the gang were sitting, complaining loudly about McGonagall's detention<p>

"And if she tells me to remember my parchment one more time I'll scream louder than a Hungarian horntail!" Shouted Chambers angrily throwing his books on the floor.

"Have fun?" Phoebe asked sarcastically.

"No we bloody well didn't! That old trout had us cleaning graffiti off the desks without magic." Grunted Max collapsing on the floor "Nice sketch of Snape by the way Laura, I think that afro was a major improvement, worryingly."

"Well all I can say is you should have done your essay when I reminded you 3 days ago." Said Phoebe in an 'I told you so' kind of way.

"Oh shut up miss perfect!" Sneered Chambers, "All _I_ can say is at least it's over - if we'd have missed Quidditch tryouts I might have died! By the way as Captain now," Chambers grinned and elbowed Michael, "When are you holding try outs? You know you need your favourite keeper."

Michael laughed "Sunday, and sorry to disappoint you but you'll have to try out like everyone else. After all, I think we all remember the infamous moony save of last year." Chambers went red as he remembered one of his worst saves ever; he had been left dangling from the end of his broomstick by the back of his trousers. This would all have been quite smooth if he hadn't have slipped, split his trousers and ended up exposing his arse to a packed Quidditch stadium for the rest of the match.

"Hey at least we won didn't we?" Said Chambers desperately trying to regain some dignity.

"Yeah but we don't really need to expose your arse to do it." Laughed Laura, "but I think we have a genuinely good chance this year!" She said, suddenly getting excited.

"Huh? Why do you care you - couldn't care less about what we do on the Quidditch pitch? Since when did that change?" Asked Michael confused. It was a well-known fact that girls didn't like Quidditch.

"You'll see." Grinned Laura with a sly look to Phoebe.

* * *

><p>The sun shone brightly - not the best conditions for Quidditch but at least it wasn't raining or a mist. A large mass of red and gold had gathered in the middle of the Quidditch pitch and many excited supporters were eagerly waiting in the stands.<p>

"Right guys those of you who want to be chasers over there, beaters there, seekers, there and keepers there." The students excitedly hurried over to their assigned spaces, Chambers stood proudly holding his new nimbus 2000, when none other than Cormac McLaggen strutted over to the keepers. "Hey, Jack, nice broom - I had one of those but I decided I needed an upgrade." McLaggen swung his Nimbus 2001 over his shoulder and drew himself up to full height "I just want you to know that I really enjoyed your arse in the Ravenclaw game last year" he gave him a cheeky wink, "But I think this year we need a bit more style."

"Ahaha and I suppose you think that's you?" Sneered Chambers.

"Duh" replied McLaggen pompously, wandering off into the crowd.

* * *

><p>"Pahahahahhahahhahahaha what the fuck are you two doing?" Michael burst out with uncontrollable laughter as Phoebe and Laura walked onto the pitch, broomsticks in hand.<p>

"We want to try out for chasers." Said Laura proudly.

"You? You hate Quidditch. And you can't fly!"

"Rude" continued Laura, "All you have to do is give us a chance; we might surprise you."

"And looking at this lot you need all the help you can get. Besides, have you actually ever seen us fly? You have no proof against us." Added Phoebe looking round at the chaotic scene behind her, an optimistic second year was standing knees shaking when his broom shot out of his grip and zoomed around above his head.

"Fair enough" said Michael, "Impress me."

* * *

><p>After around half of the Quidditch team hopefuls had given up after Michael's first set of drills; he got them back on the ground while he thought what to do next. "Nice one" He said as Phoebe and Laura strolled over, "You didn't fall off." He teased, Laura kicked him sharply in the ankle and he squealed in pain.<p>

"Rude." Grinned Laura.

"QUIET!" Shouted Michael over the hum of chatter "Okay, so the numbers are about right so I'm gonna split you into three teams and we're gonna play a quick tournament."

Phoebe and Laura (delighted that they were put in the same team for once) were teamed with fourth year Tasmin Nichols as the third chaser, fifth year James Jackson as seeker, the Weasley twins as beaters and McLaggen as keeper. They flew into the air and the whistle blew to begin the game.

Phoebe started off with the Quaffle. Weaving sharply in and out of the other team and quickly scoring the first goal. She and Laura then worked as a brilliant team, scoring a good few goals before the other team stole the quaffle. When the opposition were nearing their goal, Spinnet tried to pass to Johnson but Laura swooped between them and intercepted the Quaffle; she avoided a bludger that had been shot at her head and calmly slotted the quaffle through the middle ring. Another four goals later, and Jackson had caught the snitch - the team cheered wildly and returned to the ground.

"Not bad, but Weasley, you need to aim the bludgers at the opposite team not you own team." Said Michael, the twins grinned at each other and Phoebe shook her head disapprovingly.

In the match that followed Chambers made some impressive saves - he didn't let the quaffle in once. He returned to the ground looking very smug as he swaggered past McLaggen. "Who's stylish now?" He grinned innocently wiggling his head at him.

It was nearly dark by the final match, and McLaggen could barely see to the end of the pitch. Then out of nowhere a bludger smacked him square in the face. He wavered in the air for a second and then spiralled towards the ground.

Michel called a halt, then once everybody was on the ground, began to shout, "Right! Normally I would tell you how you all did really well before announcing the new team, but it's getting late, and quite frankly I can't be bothered. WEASLEYS!" Yelled Michael, "You're my beaters, off you go. POTTER! Seeker, and as much as it pains me to say it, LAURA AND PHOEBE! You'll be chasers along with yours truly! Thank you and goodnight!"

"Hey! What about keeper?" Shouted Chambers angrily.

"I guess we can't do better than you unfortunately." Said Michael, "just try and keep your arse to yourself this year!"

* * *

><p>McLaggen lay crumpled on the floor, blood pouring out of his nose and his crumpled, ripped robes wrapped round his ankles. BTB crept over to him, she knelt by his side and put her hand on his head. McLaggen stirred and looked up into BTB's dark brown eyes.<p>

"How's your head?" She asked sweetly, wiping some of the blood of his face.

"Pretty awful." He croaked rubbing his eyes.

"Well then we'd better get you up to the hospital wing." But as she tried to get up and leave, McLaggen grabbed her hand.

"Not so fast," he smiled, "I think I have all the care I need right here."

BTB blushed and sat down next to him, "Just how hard did you hit your head?" She grinned.

"Not too hard; I know I want to go to Hogsmeade with you this Saturday. What do you say?"

BTB smiled to herself and looked at him. _'Wow he's hot look at those eyes, so mysterious. And omg he has great hair, I bet he's got a six pack too... Oh all those rippling muscles... Hmmmm... Maybe if the lighting was right he'd look just like Liam Broady! Wow what a sex god! I think I could imagine myself becoming Mrs McLaggen... Our babies would be smart and beautiful...' _She thought to herself. But all she said was:

"Yeah, I'd love too."


	14. God Dammit Bethan!

**GOD DAMMIT BETHAN!**

BTB stumbled into the warm, cosy common room, grinning from ear to ear. She ambled over the gang, who were lounging on the sofas, and collapsed into one with a contented sigh.

"Isn't it just a wonderful day? Today's been so good..." She drifted off and smiled dreamily.

B and Maddy shared concerned looks, and jumped up from their seats, only to plop right next to BTB, surrounding her.

"Right, spill." Maddy said.

"Yeah, what the hell's wrong with you?" Asked Blossom.

"You're acting all... Lovesick!" They cried.

"What? Oh... It's just... Well... He's so dreamy..." BTB zoned out again.

The gang looked astonished, and yelled as one: "WHO?" But BTB just smiled serenely.

"GOD DAMN IT BETHAN TELL US WHO!"

"Well... You know Cormac McLaggen?" They looked disgusted as they nodded, but BTB continued without noticing. "He's asked me to go to Hogsmeade with his this Saturday! Isn't that brilliant?"

There was a stunned silence.

"WHAT?"

"NO WAY!"

"YOU'RE JOKING!"

"EWWWWW! MCLAGGEN?"

BTB looked slightly disgruntled at these outbursts; these were not the reactions she'd expected at all - didn't they understand how hot he is and how lucky she was? "You could try and be a bit nicer, you know." She sniffed, "He's really nice!" Phoebe looked astounded. "Nice? Nice? His head's so far up his own arse he wears it as a suit! How can you _possibly _say he's _nice_?"

Stunned, BTB gaped, jumped to her feetand yelled, "You don't know what you're talking about! Why can't you be supportive?", beforerunning up the stairs to the dormitory, without givinganyone a chance to explain how they would always be supportive, but not when it comes to Cormac McLaggen, supreme arsehole.

In the silence that followed their friend's sudden departure, just one sentence was said that made evil little smiles grow on all of their faces.

"So, who's up for ruining _Cormac's_ date?"

* * *

><p>Over the next few days the gang busied themselves planning all sorts of pranks to inflict on BTB and the unsuspecting McLaggen. They discussed everything from the possibility of getting gillyweed into his tea, to hiding a niffler in BTB's bag. But they finally decided there could only be one solution. Weasley's.<p>

It was a well-known fact amongst Gryffindor's that the Weasleys had begun developing their own line of... Bespoke wizard jokes. The twins spent the time they should (in Percy's opinion) have spent doing homework, huddled in a dark corner of the common room, poking things with their wands and shouting at each other when their projects exploded or melted all over them.

So, reluctantly, it was decided the Weasleys were the only two people who could give their prank the edge it needed.

(Page break)

The girls decided it was best to send the boys to bargain with the Weasleys, so on Thursday night, Chambers and Michael embarked on their mission to 'pimp the prank'.

"NO GEORGE! IT NEEDS TO SPOUT FIRE NOT BUBBLES!" Fred shouted, looking very red in the face, as he and George were surrounded by a cloud of bubbles.

"Sorry mate I was just trying something. Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in."

The twins turned and looked at Chambers and Michael who suddenly felt like guilty children.

"Not trying to steal our ideas are you?" Smirked George, raising his eyebrow accusingly at the boys.

"No! We actually wanted to ask for your help on something, you are, after all, the "masters" at practical jokes." Chambers said, trying to get on their good side as they knew it was the only chance they had. Fred and George looked at each other and nodded.

"Ok my esteemed colleague and I are listening, amuse us."

"Right, the long and short of it is that we want to screw with McLaggen, and we need some jokes to use on him - something better than Zonko's can give us."

"Ah I see, never fear young ones - we're here to assist you." George seemed to be enjoying the position of power he and his brother held over Michael and Chambers. "As I'm sure you're aware we've been developing a very nice range of skiving snack boxes, they're very nice, but lack the finesse I think you're after. Err... Then we have the canary creams and we're in the early stages of developing a dragon's breath gobstopper but that could potentially burn down the tea shop." He looked at George and pulled up a package from the floor "However if you're after something edgy, we have something in its trial stages that could work for you." He passed a small cardboard box to Michael, "Guard it with your life!" Fred warned.

And with that, Michael and Chambers returned to their dormitory, small cardboard box in hand.


	15. GET AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!

**GET AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!**

The morning of the Hogsmeade visit dawned bright and sunny. BTB trotted happily down the track towards the little cluster of houses in the distance, humming happily to herself as she watched the bird flutter around the trees and the rabbits scurry into their burrows.

She arrived at Madame Puddifoot's teashop at 12:05; she'd been planning to be 'fashionably' late so she didn't appear too keen, even though she was squealing with excitement inside. BTB pressed her nose up to the window and there he was. Smoulderingly handsome, he seemed to stand out from the crowd. After one final check in the mirror, she strolled nonchalantly inside and sat in the seat opposite McLaggen.

"Hiya" he grinned "how are you?"

"I'm really good thanks, you?" She smiled impressed that she could get normal words out.

"Better now you're here." He said reaching his hand out towards hers.

Her insides did a back flip and squirmed around inside her. She took the opportunity to look around the teashop.

And then she saw it.

Sitting in the far corner of the restaurant, in plain sight, was Blossom Whittle sitting across from Colin Creevey!

BTB's jaw feel wide open as she stared in disbelief at what was happening just metres away from her, but was drawn back to her gorgeous date when Madam Puddifoot arrived and took their orders, and she and Cormac began chatting happily, laughing and joking. When BTB had ordered her second cup of tea, Madam Puddifoot returned with a fresh cup and a small cardboard box.

"Here you go my love. Oh, and these were sent from the lady at the counter." She said sweetly.

BTB looked around at the counter, but there was no one there.

"Oh... Ok, thanks."

Bethan surveyed the box curiously. It had no writing on it and looked a little bit battered. She pulled the lid of and inside were some sweets wrapped in purple shiny foil. Curious, she picked one out and unwrapped it.

"Urgh toffee! I hate toffee!" She threw the toffee across the table and pushed the box away.

"Come on, it can't be that bad." Said McLaggen, taking the toffee and turning it round in his fingers. After a minute or two he seemed to decide there was nothing wrong with it, so tipped his head back and tossed the toffee into his mouth.

For a moment it looked like all was well, but then McLaggen's face contorted, and he looked as if he was about to throw up.

"Are you alright? Do you need some air?" BTB squeaked, panicked.

McLaggen slapped a hand to his face and leant over the table, seeming to choke, but when he moved his hand he coughed up an enormous purple - what we assume must be his tongue! McLaggen looked in disbelief at what he had produced. The tongue began pulsating different shades of purple and gold as it continued to grow longer, and longer! Bethan was speechless; she couldn't begin to imagine what could have caused it. McLaggen looked pleadingly at Bethan, his tongue was now about 4 foot long and flopped all across Percy Weasley and Penelope Clearwater's table. "That'll be my bloody brothers again!" Shouted Percy angrily, "wait till I get my hands on them!"

Percy got to his feet and scooped up McLaggen and his tongue, "Come on you, let's get this mess sorted out."

McLaggen strained to grunt good-bye to BTB but Percy dragged him and his tongue through the maze of tables and out of the door.

BTB sat staring hopelessly into her teacup waiting for something to happen.

* * *

><p>"Your hot date has arrived!"<p>

BTB looked up to see Laura sitting in front of her with a red rose clamped between her teeth.

"Hahahahhahahahahaha! What are you doing, you spoon?"

"I thought you looked a little glum, so I've come to cheer you up chum!" Laura twitched her eyebrows and grinned at BTB.

"Aha what did you have in mind?"

"Well... What do you say about going to Zonko's to find something horrible to inflict on Phoebe?"

"Hmmmm... Tempting..."

"Well then let's go sexy legs!" Laura got up and offered BTB her hand and they ran out the door giggling.

* * *

><p><span>Meanwhile, in the other corner of Madam Puddifoot's teashop.<span>

"And there it was, the picture of Trelawny stroking the bum of that statue of the one eyed witch!"

Blossom's eyes swam with tears as she laughed hysterically almost falling off her chair.

"Wow that's incredible!" She hiccoughed violently and slapped her hand on the table. Sending the bowl of sugar lumps flying all over the floor.

"Hahaha yeah, she had her arm round it hugging it! She's a weird one though, really creepy."

The two continued to laugh happily and they didn't notice the tinkle of the bell as the door opened.

"Hey! Creevey! Get away from my woman!"

Blossom gasped and whipped her head around. She knew that voice...

She couldn't believe what she saw panting in the doorway. **Theodore Nott!**

_Ohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigod! PHWWOARRRR!_ She thought, _damn he's fit! IlovehimIlovehimIlovehim! 'sanamazingkisserandinbed..._ She shivered words, couldn't describe it.

"THEO!" She screamed. "Wowowowowowow! What are you doing?"

"You don't have to be with this punk - come with me and I'll show you a real good time." Theo held out his hand and Blossom sat there, dumbstruck for a moment, before coming to her senses and snatching at it fiercely, before together pegging it out of the tearoom, and back to the Slytherin common room.


	16. But I called dibs!

**But I called dibs!**

**Slytherin common room.**

Blossom sat on one of the dark green sofas with her arms wrapped tightly around Theo, as if to stop him from possibly running away.

"You know, I've been wanting to tell you how I felt for a long time." He said gently stroking her hair. "I just figured you didn't know I existed."

"Seriously?" Questioned Blossom nuzzling into his chest, "how could anyone not notice you? You're incredible." She wriggled as close to him as she could without sitting on him, before continuing as if it was an afterthought: "not to mention you're ridiculously sexy."

Theo laughed quietly and kissed the top of her head, causing her to sigh contentedly - everything was perfect in that moment.

"Well this is a surprise."

Blossom looked up to see Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini standing dumb struck in the shadowy doorway of the Slytherin Common room. B immediately became a little wary - yes these were two more very cute boys, but they were still Slytherin's and she not only a Gryffindor, but a muggleborn too. Evidently Theo didn't care but would they?

"Not cool dude I called dibs" said Zabini folding his arms and looking sulkily off into the distance.

_Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_, thought Blossom, shocked, _!eeekhowfitishe?andhecalleddibs?therewasdibsing!OHMIGOD!_Blossom couldn't believe what she was hearing and it was just about to get better.

"Excuse me?" Draco looked offended, "what do you mean 'YOU called dibs'? We agreed I would get the first shot!"

"What? NonononononononononoNO! I got it!" Zabini looked at Draco with anger in his eyes.

Then it happened, Draco lunged at Zabini and the two began slapping and clawing at each other.

Zabini tackled Draco and they started rolling round on the floor.

"Ow! Not my hair!" Squealed Draco.

"You want me to let go of your hair then give up!" Shouted Zabini as Draco pulled the waistband of his boxers FAR too high for comfort. "Eeeeeeeeee! Draco you prick!"

Zabini grabbed a handful of cauldron cake and jumped onto Draco rubbing the cake all over his face. "Alright, alright, I give up! You know I can't have cake - it'll ruin my diet." Draco got to his feet and brushed himself down, attempting to regain a little dignity...

"When you get bored with these two losers, come find me." Draco winked at Blossom, making her heart skip a beat, and left.

"I'm going too, he needs to fix my face before it bruises." Blaise said, stroking his cheeking, "If you decide these white boys are too dull, you can come try some of my exotic dark chocolate." Zabini swept out of the room and slammed the door.

"Wow, what drama queens." Blossom sighed snuggling back into Theo's chest, "I prefer a more manly man." Theo relaxed, relieved that he wasn't going to loose his woman...


End file.
